If only spanking worked

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I am always confused when I hear how some people claim that spanking children works in their family and with their kids. Note, it workS, not it workED. Every time their kid does something, he/she gets a spanking. There, problem solved. Then a child does that something again, and he gets spanked again. Problem solved again, right? Well, actually, if you really, really open up your mind and try to think about it, no, problem isn’t solved, and it doesn’t work. If it worked, you wouldn’t need to spank your kid for the same thing over and over again. You know why? If it really worked, your kid would only do that something once or twice, and THEN the problem would be solved.

You know what works though? Not trying to threaten, intimidate, and physically hurt your kids as a way of trying to get them to listen to you, but actually trying to make sure they understand what you are trying to do here. And how do people understand you and feel like cooperating with you? They do when you are being understanding, respectful, calm, reasonable, setting age-appropriate expectations, and patient. Not easy, I know, but oh so effective. Much more effective than your regular spanking method. Don’t believe me? Try it. 🙂

My peaceful parenting rant

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Just saw some FOX News host repeatedly shake his belt in the faces of three experts sitting in his studio and trying to argue that spanking and hitting children is outdated, and modern parents should use more peaceful methods based on recent studies. And he just kept laughing and shaking his belt, and saying that he was spanked, beaten, punched in the face, etc., yet he is fine, not mentally scarred, and definitely has no problem with any parent doing what had been done to him. I was speechless. And shocked. Yes, shocked and speechless.

Just because something questionable had been done to you doesn’t mean it is right, and/or should be done to others. Is it clear? Continue reading

No more spanking memes, please

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Didn’t plan to revise any pro-spanking memes today, but was sent this new “gem” by a concerned peaceful parent, asking if anything could be done with it. I think that yes, something could and should be done with it. There are too many similar memes being shared with lots of laughter about “wonderful” childhood memories brought back in relation to these objects. Well, you know what? It is one thing to remember these often misused household items, and it is another thing to see them as something amusing and worth repeating with your own children in this day and age.

I know, I know, I said it a million times before, but I will say it again: TIMES CHANGED. Continue reading

Spanking is hitting

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“The American Psychoanalytic Association (APsaA) condemns the use of physical punishment (corporal punishment) in the discipline of children and recommends alternative methods that enhance children’s capacities to develop healthy emotional lives, tolerate frustration, regulate internal tensions, and behave in socially acceptable ways.

Physical punishment is a serious public health problem in the United States, and it profoundly affects the mental health of children and the society in which we live. Studies show that approximately 65% of adults in the United States approve of physical punishment and about 50% of families use physical punishment to discipline children. Yet, research shows that physical punishment is associated with increases in delinquency, antisocial behavior, and aggression in children, and decreases in the quality of the parent-child relationship, children’s mental health, and children’s capacity to internalize socially acceptable behavior. Adults who have been subjected to physical punishment as children are more likely to abuse their own child or spouse and to manifest criminal behavior (Gershoff 2008).”

More on their position here: http://www.apsa.org/About_APsaA/Position_Statements/Physical_Punishment.aspx

I was spanked and I am not OK

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I see many blogs sharing their, or their readers’, childhood experiences with spanking and how it negatively affected them later in life. And I applaud that people are speaking up and not just going the usual “I was spanked and I am OK, so all you fools have no idea what you’re talking about”.

And here is my contribution today. I was spanked and I am not OK. Yes, I am a functional, good (I’d like to believe) human being, not in jail, never killed anyone, BUT it doesn’t mean I am OK because I was spanked. Continue reading