I am always confused when I hear how some people claim that spanking children works in their family and with their kids. Note, it workS, not it workED. Every time their kid does something, he/she gets a spanking. There, problem solved. Then a child does that something again, and he gets spanked again. Problem solved again, right? Well, actually, if you really, really open up your mind and try to think about it, no, problem isn’t solved, and it doesn’t work. If it worked, you wouldn’t need to spank your kid for the same thing over and over again. You know why? If it really worked, your kid would only do that something once or twice, and THEN the problem would be solved.
You know what works though? Not trying to threaten, intimidate, and physically hurt your kids as a way of trying to get them to listen to you, but actually trying to make sure they understand what you are trying to do here. And how do people understand you and feel like cooperating with you? They do when you are being understanding, respectful, calm, reasonable, setting age-appropriate expectations, and patient. Not easy, I know, but oh so effective. Much more effective than your regular spanking method. Don’t believe me? Try it. 🙂
Just saw some FOX News host repeatedly shake his belt in the faces of three experts sitting in his studio and trying to argue that spanking and hitting children is outdated, and modern parents should use more peaceful methods based on recent studies. And he just kept laughing and shaking his belt, and saying that he was spanked, beaten, punched in the face, etc., yet he is fine, not mentally scarred, and definitely has no problem with any parent doing what had been done to him. I was speechless. And shocked. Yes, shocked and speechless.
Just because something questionable had been done to you doesn’t mean it is right, and/or should be done to others. Is it clear? Continue reading
Didn’t plan to revise any pro-spanking memes today, but was sent this new “gem” by a concerned peaceful parent, asking if anything could be done with it. I think that yes, something could and should be done with it. There are too many similar memes being shared with lots of laughter about “wonderful” childhood memories brought back in relation to these objects. Well, you know what? It is one thing to remember these often misused household items, and it is another thing to see them as something amusing and worth repeating with your own children in this day and age.
I know, I know, I said it a million times before, but I will say it again: TIMES CHANGED. Continue reading
“The American Psychoanalytic Association (APsaA) condemns the use of physical punishment (corporal punishment) in the discipline of children and recommends alternative methods that enhance children’s capacities to develop healthy emotional lives, tolerate frustration, regulate internal tensions, and behave in socially acceptable ways.
Physical punishment is a serious public health problem in the United States, and it profoundly affects the mental health of children and the society in which we live. Studies show that approximately 65% of adults in the United States approve of physical punishment and about 50% of families use physical punishment to discipline children. Yet, research shows that physical punishment is associated with increases in delinquency, antisocial behavior, and aggression in children, and decreases in the quality of the parent-child relationship, children’s mental health, and children’s capacity to internalize socially acceptable behavior. Adults who have been subjected to physical punishment as children are more likely to abuse their own child or spouse and to manifest criminal behavior (Gershoff 2008).”
More on their position here: http://www.apsa.org/About_APsaA/Position_Statements/Physical_Punishment.aspx
I see many blogs sharing their, or their readers’, childhood experiences with spanking and how it negatively affected them later in life. And I applaud that people are speaking up and not just going the usual “I was spanked and I am OK, so all you fools have no idea what you’re talking about”.
And here is my contribution today. I was spanked and I am not OK. Yes, I am a functional, good (I’d like to believe) human being, not in jail, never killed anyone, BUT it doesn’t mean I am OK because I was spanked. Continue reading
I thought is was worth sharing. In case, you know, people think spanking kids is a norm. Nope, it is not, and it is actually advised AGAINST.
I made this graphic last year, and thought I posted it here. I guess I didn’t after all.
So, how fine is fine, really?
This one always makes me scratch my head and wonder how come not many parents see the logic behind it? Isn’t it obvious? Say NO to hitting your kids.
I really needed to read this article today. I want to share with others, because no one is perfect. NO ONE. It is knowing how to use your imperfections and turn them into success; that’s what counts.
Wonderful reminder and advice from AhaParenting:
“So let go of that heavy baggage of expecting yourself to be perfect. You never will be, but you’re more than enough, just the way you are. You’re not expected to be perfect. You’re only expected to keep growing. Parenting is a journey, not a destination.
So what should you do when you lose it? Get yourself back on track.
1. Get yourself back to calm. When our children get upset or act out, it usually triggers us into fight or flight, which is why we start acting like they’re the enemy. But they’re not the enemy, and it isn’t an emergency. So next time your child starts getting upset, that’s your red flag reminder to Stop, Drop (what you’re doing), and Breathe so you stay calm.
Let’s try to figure out why all the confusion about spanking versus non-spanking in relation to discipline. Just because people spank and hit children doesn’t mean they are disciplining them. Most of the time they don’t know any other methods, they have been spanked themselves, and they feel like hitting their children somehow makes them a responsible parent who teaches their kids important lessons in life. NO, this is not discipline! Just like it is not when someone chooses to let their children get away with everything without teaching them any lessons at all. NO, that is not discipline either, no matter how peaceful this approach may seem. Discipline should come from reasoning, cause and effect explanations, positive reinforcements, and NEVER from physical pain and fear. Please, consider researching further.
Here is the article I partially took the quote for the graphic from and some preview of what to expect: http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=1763
“What is discipline?
As parents we discipline our children when they are able to understand what we want to teach them, so that they will learn how to discipline themselves.
Discipline is about understanding the rules (of home, school and community) and understanding what happens when the rules are broken (consequences). It’s about learning to be responsible.
Discipline should be positive and used to encourage good behaviour, as well as to stop behaviour that you don’t want your child to be doing.