Didn’t plan to revise any pro-spanking memes today, but was sent this new “gem” by a concerned peaceful parent, asking if anything could be done with it. I think that yes, something could and should be done with it. There are too many similar memes being shared with lots of laughter about “wonderful” childhood memories brought back in relation to these objects. Well, you know what? It is one thing to remember these often misused household items, and it is another thing to see them as something amusing and worth repeating with your own children in this day and age.
I know, I know, I said it a million times before, but I will say it again: TIMES CHANGED. Continue reading
Time for another revised meme. This time something that has been around for a while, and is normally shared by well-meaning parents who truly believe that in order to be a good parent you need to be mean to your kids, and have them acknowledge their hate for you at least once in their lifetime, according to this meme anyway. Otherwise you failed them.
I have a problem with this approach to parenting. In fact, I have a HUGE problem with it. Times changed and we have lots of scientific proof stating that being a negative parent does more harm to children than good. Yes, our parents probably believed the things we now know are not necessarily true, but it doesn’t mean we have to keep believing them.
I see many blogs sharing their, or their readers’, childhood experiences with spanking and how it negatively affected them later in life. And I applaud that people are speaking up and not just going the usual “I was spanked and I am OK, so all you fools have no idea what you’re talking about”.
And here is my contribution today. I was spanked and I am not OK. Yes, I am a functional, good (I’d like to believe) human being, not in jail, never killed anyone, BUT it doesn’t mean I am OK because I was spanked. Continue reading
Time for another revised meme. This time a philosophical one. I thought it was so fitting for our Peaceful Parenting style, that I changed it a bit and got a perfect message I want to send out into the world. Original message is in white, my addition is in blue.
Yes, it is possible to raise kids who are kind, polite, respectful, thoughtful, pleasant to be with, and compassionate to the needs of others. And it is possible to raise them without raising your hands and voices. Actually, it is ONLY possible to raise kids like that by treating them with respect and modeling this very behavior you want them to demonstrate in the future. Not because they will be scared of being punished and spanked if they don’t, but because that will be what they grew up witnessing, and it would come naturally to them.
And if people tell you otherwise, well, those are their limitations, not yours. 🙂
Sometimes I am feeling goofy and I come up with silly things. This time I wanted to take peaceful parenting easier than usual, and make people smile. 🙂
~ Patient Mama Penguin
I have been watching other peaceful parents, in real life and online. I also notice my own style of dealing with the world. And here is something that strikes me all the time whenever there is a discussion (or a heated argument) between positive and negative parents. There are always those who insult, call you names, threaten you, send you to hell, call your kids names, etc. And those are not the ones from the peaceful crowd, believe me. It is ironic, in a way, how those who claim that violence/spanking/punishment works, are the same people who are the most disrespectful, the most hateful, the most vulgar people (in their choice of words, at least) that you can find. If THAT behavior with total strangers is normal and acceptable for them, then I definitely don’t want to raise my kids the way they are advocating for. Continue reading
You must have seen this meme going around. It makes me SICK. Not even the meme itself, because it is just plain stupid and not even funny. But the response it gets from the general public. Some of us break out of this cycle and learn to do better for own children, but the majority just keeps repeating the same mistakes. And then make silly memes and laugh at them. 😦 So I had to fix it, and I feel a bit better now.
Seriously though, respect can not be beaten into you. It has to be EARNED. And what does beating teach? It teaches that next time you have to be sneakier and smarter not to get caught. It teaches to be afraid of your parents, because they are bigger and stronger, and they can hurt you when they feel like it.
Ok, I really, really, REALLY can’t ignore this meme anymore. The more I see it passed around, the sadder I feel that people find it funny, and agree with it. I had to fix it.
Maybe if we tried to raise our kids as people who were not spanked, but respected instead; and we didn’t force them to believe that “better” has to be an external race against others for rewards, and not an internal process within yourself to become a better version of you today than you were yesterday; maybe THEN we would actually have ourselves a world where there is more justice, more sense, more compassion, more love, more respect, and more change for the BETTER. Maybe?
P.S. About competition:
Healthy competition: YES! Unhealthy competition teaching little inexperienced kids that this is a dog-eats-dog world: PLEASE NO!!! There is a time and place for kids to learn about such things, just not when they are not capable of competing and/or grasping the idea yet.
Instead of making an elaborate speech about the meaning of this holiday…I will only say that we mutually agree to have amnesia on this day in terms of gifts, cards, and chocolates. And we both don’t seem to mind, as long as we both know that we still love and appreciate each other. This way every day is a Valentine’s day around here, and chocolate is bad for you anyway. 😉
Why do we feel the need to find some subjects uncomfortable enough to be discussed honestly with children? Why are some things off limits in some homes? Maybe because our own parents chose to be uncomfortable about those things, and we have been raised believing that they were. Well, guess what? Knowledge doesn’t discriminate, people do. That is why I choose to be open with my kids about things that I, myself, was raised to believe were not acceptable to be talked openly about. I believe that it is a very dangerous game letting kids learn things from other people, quite often their peers who don’t know any better themselves, or, even worse, total strangers who might have their own agenda in mind when approaching our innocent and trusting children.