This is a wonderful way to explain how our parenting methods affect our children. I couldn’t put the whole quote into my graphic, so here it is.
“You can control your children
through threats and punishments
and they will learn to fear.
You can control their behavior
by praise and reward
and they will learn to look outside themselves
for approval and for worth.
You can watch over their every movement,
every action, every decision,
making sure they do it “right,”
and they will learn to always
Or you can love and guide
without controlling or interfering
and they will learn to trust themselves.”
Still reading The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin. Still enjoying it immensely.
Image credit: Jay Ryness
I think it is very important for our children to see that we are passionate about things. I believe that we teach by example, and not by words only. Want your kid to be really interested in something? Are you interested in something yourself so he/she can see how happy it makes you?
There is really no point trying to instill a love for something specific in your child that you, yourself, don’t enjoy doing yourself. So, don’t even waste time. Lead by example, do something you love and let your kids notice and maybe even participate. Show them simple ways to find pleasure in doing things they enjoy. Happiness will follow.
Image credit: Jay Ryness (Flickr)
I have to admit that there were times when I felt a bit tired of my son needing me too much too often. Like when he would always want to be carried or needed to hold my hand. Or how he would make me drop everything and sit and cuddle with him after his every nap. You know, little things that are perfectly fine unless you are also trying to take care of another child, and/or catch up on some other things.
But I never realized that it wouldn’t be like this forever, and one day he would need me less. I didn’t realize it until a couple of days ago when he didn’t run to me after his nap to get his hug. And then on our walk he didn’t hold my hand, but walked in front of me. You’d think I would be happy, right? Instead, I wanted to cry, I felt so sad that he was getting older and needed me less now. Now every time he runs to me for that hug, or wants to hold my hand, I enjoy every second of it, because NOW I know it won’t last forever.
Photo: Paul Joseph (Flickr)
I am always confused when I hear how some people claim that spanking children works in their family and with their kids. Note, it workS, not it workED. Every time their kid does something, he/she gets a spanking. There, problem solved. Then a child does that something again, and he gets spanked again. Problem solved again, right? Well, actually, if you really, really open up your mind and try to think about it, no, problem isn’t solved, and it doesn’t work. If it worked, you wouldn’t need to spank your kid for the same thing over and over again. You know why? If it really worked, your kid would only do that something once or twice, and THEN the problem would be solved.
You know what works though? Not trying to threaten, intimidate, and physically hurt your kids as a way of trying to get them to listen to you, but actually trying to make sure they understand what you are trying to do here. And how do people understand you and feel like cooperating with you? They do when you are being understanding, respectful, calm, reasonable, setting age-appropriate expectations, and patient. Not easy, I know, but oh so effective. Much more effective than your regular spanking method. Don’t believe me? Try it. 🙂
When, out of desperation, I cried out to my kids to give me some sort of privacy when I am using a bathroom, at least once in a while, and try to use a different room for their games instead of always hanging out there when I am in there, my 3 y/o son had a puzzled look on his face. Then he proceeded to explain to me how he didn’t want me to be alone, because I could get lonely and sad, and might even cry, and he definitely didn’t want that for me.
I guess “No privacy” in my world means “Mom, we love you” in theirs. Well, if you put it that way, hmm, ok, I love you, too. After all, privacy is so overrated…once you’re a parent. 🙂
Just saw some FOX News host repeatedly shake his belt in the faces of three experts sitting in his studio and trying to argue that spanking and hitting children is outdated, and modern parents should use more peaceful methods based on recent studies. And he just kept laughing and shaking his belt, and saying that he was spanked, beaten, punched in the face, etc., yet he is fine, not mentally scarred, and definitely has no problem with any parent doing what had been done to him. I was speechless. And shocked. Yes, shocked and speechless.
Just because something questionable had been done to you doesn’t mean it is right, and/or should be done to others. Is it clear? Continue reading
I hate “but”s in expressing love for children. There should be no “but”. You love your kids, it is unconditional, there are no deal-breakers and no rules that a child might break and lose his parent’s affection. Period.
Photo: Spirit-Fire (Flickr)