A Positive Parenting moment in time:
Today my 2.5 y/o son had some fun during lunch, while I was in the kitchen and he and his sister were supposed to be eating their spaghetti in the dining room, a few steps away from me. When I came to see what my daughter was screaming about, I saw that he threw all the spaghetti on the floor. And knowing my son, I am sure he was doing it according to his own system, one by one. He seemed pretty satisfied with it, too.
Now, something like this obviously calls for some screaming and punishment, in a negative parenting world, anyway. Definitely something I must have been punished for as a kid, knowing my mom. But…I am not my mom, and I am trying to be a peaceful parent. So, here is what happened next.
I am not afraid to spoil my kids by letting them know how much I love them. I do it a lot, on some days it feels like I do it all the time. I tell them I love them, and I hug and kiss them, as well. Every single time. Physical affection is very important. Am I worried I am raising sissies who never know pain and will be disappointed when they get out there, into the “real” wild and mean world? No, I am not. I am raising kids who will know that love feels good, that it is ok to say ‘I love you’ to those they actually care about, and it is ok to accept love from others.
I don’t remember my mom doing this with me, I don’t remember random hugs, kisses, and ‘I love you’s. And until this day I can not force myself to tell her these words that she expects to hear from me. I know she wants me to, but I just can’t, I physically can’t, it just feels too foreign to me.
Please, shower your kids with love. Don’t be tough parents, don’t hide your feelings, make them known. You are only doing your kids a huge favor. You are teaching them LOVE. And that is the most important lesson in life. From my experience, anyway. 🙂
I have been watching other peaceful parents, in real life and online. I also notice my own style of dealing with the world. And here is something that strikes me all the time whenever there is a discussion (or a heated argument) between positive and negative parents. There are always those who insult, call you names, threaten you, send you to hell, call your kids names, etc. And those are not the ones from the peaceful crowd, believe me. It is ironic, in a way, how those who claim that violence/spanking/punishment works, are the same people who are the most disrespectful, the most hateful, the most vulgar people (in their choice of words, at least) that you can find. If THAT behavior with total strangers is normal and acceptable for them, then I definitely don’t want to raise my kids the way they are advocating for. Continue reading
I made this graphic last year, and thought I posted it here. I guess I didn’t after all.
So, how fine is fine, really?
You must have seen this meme going around. It makes me SICK. Not even the meme itself, because it is just plain stupid and not even funny. But the response it gets from the general public. Some of us break out of this cycle and learn to do better for own children, but the majority just keeps repeating the same mistakes. And then make silly memes and laugh at them. 😦 So I had to fix it, and I feel a bit better now.
Seriously though, respect can not be beaten into you. It has to be EARNED. And what does beating teach? It teaches that next time you have to be sneakier and smarter not to get caught. It teaches to be afraid of your parents, because they are bigger and stronger, and they can hurt you when they feel like it.