The most natural act there is should not be subjected to societal misunderstanding and judgement. Babies first, everyone else later, or never.
What a great message. Let’s not try to imagine that we can mold our kids into any shape and form we want. They are individuals from the start, all they need is our trust in them, our support, our love and respect, and the rest will happen with time. Trust your children, they know better what kind of flowers they will grow up to be.
Yelling. A lot of us have been there, many still are. Does yelling stress you and your kids even more? Does it seem that it only works short term and then the behavior repeats again? Do you feel like you want to try something else? Great!!! I know how you feel. Because I have been there, feels like ages ago but, in reality, only 2 years ago. Then I discovered gentler and more effective methods of discipline, and I have never looked back since. I respect myself more now, and I see that my kids respond better when I treat them with love and respect. Instead of destroying my relationship with my children by yelling at them I use other positive/peaceful methods. If you are new to this concept, try starting with this article. It summarizes alternatives to yelling in 10 short and sweet suggestions.
I saw this quoted somewhere, got curious and managed to find original article it was taken from. I loved the quote, but I loved the article even more. Loving and accepting ourselves is the first step to becoming better parents to our children. Love and acceptance. That’s all I can say for now. No, wait. And supporting each other. Not judging and criticizing, but trying to understand, offering help, sharing resources. Maybe some of us would actually love to be exposed to new information instead of negative attitude? Maybe?
Full text from Authentic Parenting found here:
Many of us grow up learning that we are worthless, powerless, ugly, stupid, voiceless… There may be a lot to overcome, a lot of tiny voices to silence.
YES!!! Exactly why every parent and caregiver, not just mothers, should feel responsible for treating children with these considerations in mind. You are not affecting just one child’s life, you are leaving marks on lives of so many people this little human being is going to meet in his life. Be careful with your words and actions, you are creating the future. And thank you for trying to do your best, and showing your children love and respect they deserve.
Here is one page I meant to put on my fence for a while. Finally, Dulce de leche is given proper recognition. Check her out and feel free to stick around, she has great ideas.
In her own words:
“A mom who is passionate about gentle discipline, breastfeeding, and parent-child relationships. Let’s encourage each other!
Loving our families and treating others, regardless of age, the way we would wish to be treated.”
Saw this quote from Barrel of Oranges and fell in love with it, and now turning it into a graphic with the author’s permission. Peaceful parenting is not about letting our kids go crazy and not doing anything to teach them important lessons in life. It is about setting limits and explaining consequences with empathy, understanding and compassion. It is about believing that our children are smart enough to listen to our reasons, process this new information, draw conclusions, and make changes in their future behavior and actions. It might take a few times of doing this, but the lessons will be learned for sure. Consistency and patience is the key here. This way children will learn to make independent decisions based on previous explanations and examples modeled by their parents. Isn’t this way much better than any violent response, tears and inflicted mental and physical pain with no lessons learned, other than adults are stronger and can hurt those who are helpless and weak? And the best part is that it works too. Try it.
Photo: Scott Howse (Flickr)
I have been asked to share this wonderful summary created by onlinepsychologydegree.net and let more people see it and think about it. There is more advice over at the link below, but I wanted to create this teaser to get you all curious enough to check it out. Now, we shouldn’t care much about raising geniuses but healthy and well-adjusted human-beings. Their tips help exactly with that. And genius part? Well, that’s just their own teaser for the masses.
Go here for more ideas: http://www.onlinepsychologydegree.net/raise-a-genius
Being honest with children. Sounds alien to some but makes lots of sense. Children are not strangers in our lives, they know us well and feel when we are not being ourselves. This is a wonderful opportunity to teach them that parents go through things in life, we are only human and our kids are too. It is not a good idea to start pretending that everything is great or, even worse, ignore children’s curiosity and questions by not telling them anything.
Build family trust and understanding from the start. They will be just as honest with you about their lives as they are growing up. No secrets, no misunderstandings, no feelings hurt.
This is an interesting post from Aunt Annie’s Childcare on the subject. Full text found here:
“We should share our true selves with our children. Let’s start at the very beginning; Continue reading
This is something I learned through my own experience. When I am in a crappy mood I see how it affects my kids and their behavior. They start acting the same way, which doesn’t really help anyone, only makes it worse for all of us. As hard as it is trying to control your mood on some days, especially, it is worth trying, still. Great when you naturally feel joyful and involve kids in your happiness. And when you don’t, taking a few minutes here and there to take those few deep breaths away from others does magic. When you feel like you are, more or less, your cheerful self again, go back and give them a hug. They will appreciate the effort. And, most importantly, you will appreciate it yourself when you notice the positive difference it makes in everyone’s day.
Having said this, I am more referring to people lashing out on their children all the time when they are having a hard time, without even trying to assess the situation and how it affects them. Sometimes we have to be honest with our children to show them that we are human with out feelings and bad hair days. I know reasonable people have ways of conveying their true feelings to their kids without causing them too much physical or mental harm. Being honest with kids on their level is always good, but being conscious of our own feelings first before letting it out on others is another thing. I am not advocating for lying to our kids about our feelings. I always explain to my 4 y/o when she sees me ‘grumpy’ (her word about my moodiness) that I am tired, or I didn’t get enough sleep, etc. and she understands. I just want people to stop and analyze for a second before affecting others, and I see it a lot in public, and kids have to pay. THAT is what could and should be changed.
Photo: Lee Davenport (Flickr)