When you lose it, use it

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I really needed to read this article today. I want to share with others, because no one is perfect. NO ONE. It is knowing how to use your imperfections and turn them into success; that’s what counts.

Wonderful reminder and advice from AhaParenting:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=175276&A=SearchResult&SearchID=6164258&ObjectID=175276&ObjectType=55

“So let go of that heavy baggage of expecting yourself to be perfect. You never will be, but you’re more than enough, just the way you are. You’re not expected to be perfect. You’re only expected to keep growing. Parenting is a journey, not a destination.

So what should you do when you lose it? Get yourself back on track.

1. Get yourself back to calm. When our children get upset or act out, it usually triggers us into fight or flight, which is why we start acting like they’re the enemy. But they’re not the enemy, and it isn’t an emergency. So next time your child starts getting upset, that’s your red flag reminder to Stop, Drop (what you’re doing), and Breathe so you stay calm.

2. See it from your child’s point of view. Ok, so he was being impossible. I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly acted impossible when I’m scared, hurt, or just plain overwhelmed. We’re all sure we’re “right” when we’re angry, but there’s always another way to look at things. Nobody has to be wrong.

3. Avoid a Repeat. Later, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do so I don’t lose it next time?”

If you notice you sound like your parents when start yelling, can you unpack your own childhood baggage a bit? If you need to, get some support.
When you start to threaten your child with consequences, can you notice that it’s coming from your own sense of helplessness? And, instead, use that as a reminder to take a deep breath and calm yourself down? You’ll intervene so much better from a calm state.
If you want to stop yelling, but you’re finding it tough, give yourself a break — It IS tough! But it’s also possible, so give yourself better support, in the form of a star chart. Your kids give you stars for every morning or afternoon you don’t yell. Every week that’s better than the week before is worth celebrating.”

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