I think that emotional side of miscarriage is not something we ever think about. I understand it is not something people want to discuss with others, but it is still something that happens more often than we expect. And I think we owe it to these parents to take that extra minute to learn about how it feels, and what it is like to lose a child you never had a chance to meet. Because you’d be surprised how many people you know may have experienced this loss, and suffered in silence, without anyone knowing about their tragedy.
“Surviving Miscarriage: A Love Letter To My Unborn Child
Author: Jill Asher
My beloved unborn Child,
My fingers are numb as I write the word, miscarriage. By now, I should be able to handle, write and say the word. I should be able to pass a pregnant woman on the street and not tense up with raging jealousy and envy. I should be happy for friends that are announcing their blessed news and smile when I pass a mother pushing her newborn child in a stroller. I should be approaching my due date with you…..
Truth be told, I am nowhere near feeling any of these emotions.
Three months ago, I lost you. You were only eighteen weeks old.
Weakened by exhaustion and utter despair, I opted for a late D&C. Even trying to find a doctor that would perform the surgery was nearly impossible. The thought of delivering you stillborn was too tough to bear, so surgery was my choice. Recovery was equally hard, as my body and mind still thought I was pregnant while my heart continued to break. My heart is still breaking…..
I keep hearing that it simply takes time. How can time take away this aching pain of never experiencing life with you? How can I recover from this deep and utter loss, when all I want to do is hold you and shower you with love? From the bottom of feet to the tip of my head, I love you (or should I say, “I loved you”?).
Day by day, I move a little closer to recovery…. though I know life will never be the same.